Champagne Sunday’s: Kismet…

Do you know where you call home??? Is it the small town you grew up in, is it the big city where you went to University and know everyone in town and thought to yourself this is as good as it is going to get. Or is it the place that by circumstance you found yourself wandering around aimlessly wanting and waiting for a sign to point you in the right direction???

Last Friday nite I stood dancing in the pouring down rain in the lower east side New York City. I was on my way to see a gig when I decided to take a moment and thank life for such a sweet day. People were on the hustle and bustle rushing by me trying not to get wet. As the rain soaked my perfectly styled hair, it began to curl on the ends and my make up began to run down the sides of my face into my laugh lines. I smiled as big as my smiles let me and thought to myself, Gosh, why are people so afraid to be rained on??? Don’t they know that it cleanses your heart and soul?!?

And then…it happened. Lightning struck me, like love strikes ones heart. I looked up and on the corner of 3rd Ave and E 11th was a sign that said, “This is where you need to be Ziggy. This is where you should call your home”. (No, seriously there was a sign that said that.) Even though I have tapped danced in this city streets many times before, all I could think of was is it took me this long to realize this was my home. It was hidden deep in the nooks and crannies of a city that reeks of LIFE. There were the city lights, city sounds, city air and city taste left in my mouth when I returned home to my life of circumstance.

I have made my decision and I ready to move on. I am scared to death, but when LIFE cures your pain and the signs all say go east…I say, don’t stop until fate punches you in the face!!!

Champagne Sundays: Blind Faith…

I believe that humankind is not inherently good at heart. All of us face the temptation to act selfish, thoughtless, and even cruel. We must overcome those desires to demonstrate love, compassion and kindness…

I believe that people do not change. Though people do grow, mature, and learn, a person’s basic personality will stay constant throughout their life…

I believe that people can change. If you give people the opportunity to live up to your high expectations, sometimes they will exceed them…

I believe that there are several kinds of love. Community love is the idea that you share a bond with the people close to you and your social life. Familial love is the idea that blood or adoptive relationships represent a commitment of support and care. Friendship love is the practice of mutual goals and interests. Physical love is the pursuit of pleasure. Selfless love is the desire to put the true needs of another person ahead of your own regardless of the price you pay…

I believe that giving love selflessly but not receiving it in return does not diminish me…

I believe that being alone is not the same as being lonely. At times, solitude is a gift that everyone should enjoy. You can only truly know yourself when you are alone. Yet this is not the best way for everyone to live — we all need other people…

I believe that it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person or the right person at the wrong time. Real love builds up — it exposes insecurities and fears and removes them. Any love that brings more tears than joy and more pain than contentment is a false hope of the real thing…

I believe that men and women can be friends without any hint of romantic entanglement. Any culture that does not promote this idea, or worse, cannot even conceive of such a thing, is broken…

I believe that knowledge can never replace wisdom, but combined, they form an unbeatable combination…

I believe that unreasonable people change the world. Not everyone who is unreasonable will change the world, and not everything unreasonable is necessarily worth changing, but the first step toward changing the world lies in not accepting it as it is…

I believe that facing your fears with humility, patience, and grace builds character. When good eventually wins and the truth ultimately comes out, we can acknowledge our failures honestly and demonstrate that we have changed into the people we ought to have been from the start…

I believe Blind Faith does not require that you close your eyes to reality…it only asks that you open your heart to possibilities…

Champagne Sunday’s: 33 Miles…

 

~The Long Road~

It has been many years since she set foot along this road.  The journey has been long and at times difficult. Yet she has no regrets.

At times she wonders what it would have been like to have taken a different path. Traveled to the east instead of the west, or crossed the bridge instead of traversing along the river bank.

She never thinks on that long. And in truth she’s satisfied with the way she’s come.  Her pace has slowed a bit over these many years. She seems to stop more often to give glory to the sun and to cherish the moon.  Still the road stretches long ahead of her, with its endless possibilities. 

She plans to cover many more miles before she’s through… 

                                         ~Katzinn~

 

Champagne Sunday’s: Love Letters…

~Dear Ziggy ~

Wow isn’t it AMAZING that with so many brilliant beings on your planet, so few recognize that when one’s life encounters turbulence, choppy waters, or set backs, it’s always a sign that things are about to get wildly better than they’ve ever been before???

I know you are currently experiencing some set backs. I know this because I am the Universe. I want to thank you for keeping your chin up and always smiling. Now, if you can just remember where this is all going, Ziggy, no road will be too bumpy, no night will be too lonely, and no price will seem too great.

I do want to apologize for the past few months for throwing you some curve balls. Remember when I told you to NOT risk everything on one endeavor…well you learned your lesson right??? You are too trusting and too naive. There are cruel people out there in the world who just will not understand you.

Then there are some really AMAZING people out there that will. You already know who they are. You have to let your guard down and let them in. Just sayin…

In regards to your last request, Yes, Ziggy, you can have whatever you want. ANYTHING you can imagine. You name it. It is yours. Done-Deal, Zip-Zap, Bing-Bong. Oh, but you have to go get it. We are a team. I will do the hard parts, but you must get us started. Ready…GO!!!

Just a few reminders, slow it down, summer is over. Focus on what matters most, you and stop stressing and with just a wink, your confidence will bring peace and happiness to those who surround you.

Do not fight it; continue to be AWESOME and AMAZING…

~The Universe~

Champagne Sundays: GREAT Expectations…

I do my thing and you do your thing
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
and you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you and I am I and if by chance we find each other,
it’s beautiful. ~ Gestalt Prayer

I have been doing a lot of reading lately and I guess you can say some soul searching in other writer’s words in hopes to find whatever it is that I am looking for because I am not satisfied with the life that I got…the life that I have found.

I have always had high expectations for my family, my friends and myself. However, there came a time in my life where everyone including myself was a great disappointment, because they did not live up to my expectations. It came to a point in my life where I decided not have any expectations anymore.

I found it easier, easier to expect nothing, to make no claim to my hopes, to my dreams, to my relationships, to my friendships or to me. Because when you expect for your hopes and dreams to come true or for a friendship or a relationship to be successful and none of these expectations are ever met for one reason or another, if you expect nothing…and you get nothing…well no one will know when you are disappointed and you won’t be disappointed.

You can feel nothing knowing that you never “put yourself out there”. There is no record of what you wanted, no way for anyone to know that you have been let down. No one gets hurt…you do not get hurt!!!

I am so sick and tired of never feeling anything. I finally came to realization that I do want to have expectations. Maybe it is naive of me to expect things, but I want to expect things out of life, out of my family, my friends, out of me, out of you. I choose to live my life believing that GREAT acts will happen. It is expecting people to be AWESOME and that makes me AWESOME!!!

Therefore, if my expectations are not met today there is always tomorrow, and then the next, and then the next, and then the next…

Champagne Sunday’s: Festival Chasers…

My Do Dah called me Friday as I was driving to Chicago to embark on yet another “First Time Festival”. He called for some fashion advice and then I tried to catch him up on what was happening in my life.

I remember about 3 years ago, my father describing me to me. He said that I was the most confident insecure person he has ever met. He is almost 70…he has met a lot of people, when I heard him tell me this, I cried. I covered my face like I normally do when I shed some tears because, “Don’t let them see you cry…Ninja’s never cry!!!”

My Do Dah always said, “Torre if you can laugh in front of others, then you should be able to cry in front of others. It does not mean you are weak…it means that you are strong enough to show your emotions.” I try not to cover my face anymore, but it is still hard to do.

Anyway…back to me and me being the most confident insecure person my Do Dah has ever met!!! This statement made me realize that I needed to change whom I was. So I began my personal journey to find my moon…and by moon I mean me!!!

My journey began when I left America and traveled across the pond to a little music festival, named Reading. I had never been to a music festival and thought this would be the best place to discover who I was. And I thought why not attend a music festival in a different country by myself??? Therefore…I did.

I decided to make my first time at a festival even more interesting…I brought no money and 3 packs of cigarettes. I do not smoke as there are better ways to die but I thought cigarettes were a great way to barter some fun!!! There were over 80,000 strangers who had yet to meet me and within the first 3 hours of my arrival…I met a group of strangers that welcomed me into their world. And ohhh baby what a wild world it was!!!

I drank in so much fun that weekend and that group of strangers was the first to meet the new me. I met a group of people who introduced me to this wonderful thing called LIFE. At this festival, I realize how much I needed to start livin my life for me and no one else. It was a very exciting time for when I returned home I retuned confident in the fact…I knew that I could stand on my own two feet no matter what life threw at me. The following year I went back to Reading Festival. The strangers that I once met were now life long festival friends. I had a wonderful time the second time around, but you cannot top a First, First Year Festival.

Whether I was chasing the moon or the moon was chasing me, I found a little more of me at Rothbury!!! This time I did not want to venture this one on my own. I wanted to share it with someone who means the world to me, my brother. It was his First First and I am so thankful I got to share this adventure with him. This festival marked the 3rd year of my new life, because some how I got lucky enough to have a second chance to do this right. My brother knew what this festival meant to me and he did everything in his power to make it super special.

At Rothbury, I had hit a fork in the road on my journey and I had to decide what path I wanted to take…I took the one less traveled. Like a yellow butterfly emerging from its cocoon, I had found myself a little lost in this new magical world. Even though I was a little lost, Life was all starting to make sense. I found myself howling at the moon in the forest and at that moment, I knew that I had found what was missing from my life…my heart. I brought it back as a souvenir but I was not ready for it. So, I ripped my heart out to make more room for my AWESOMENESS. Heart in hand, I took it to the ROO…Bonnaroo!!!

It was another epic adventure and another First that I had the honor to share with my brother and his crew. Key Lime Pie, Naked Disco on top of the Worland Warrior Bus and Ziggy was introduced to the world. And then it happened…I tripped over my soul. It was just hangin out in the musical notes floating around in the air. AS trippy as that sounds…you have to have gone to a festival to understand what I am talking about. My soul sang into my mouth, but I still had my heart in my hand and did not know what to do with it.

For those that know me…I plan everything!!! Yes, I am unpredictable, but I have planned my unpredictability. AS I write this, I am already planning what first festivals I will be attending next year. After a long heart to heart with my heart, I realized I just need to let it go. I need to let go of the control and just be me. I did something spontaneous…I had no plan. I made a last minute decision to take my heart and my soul to yet another first…Lollapalooza. I did not think I would find what I was looking for…but I did.

“Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness”…I am not sure who said that, but they must have been a festival chaser…

Champagne Sunday’s: The day I lost you is the day that I found Myself…

I guess when you give up everything for someone else and one day finally realize they are never going to love you the way that you need to be loved, you build up enough courage and you decide to move on and go find what you are looking for.

I ran into my ex-boyfriend yesterday and needless to say, it totally hurt my heart. I decided to go on a long bike ride to help sweat out the fun that I drank in the nite before. I was feeling a bit nauseous so I decided to take a little rest at the Park of Roses. I was laying down starring at the clouds when I heard him shout, “Dolce…come here Dolce”. I was paralyzed by his voice and did not know what to do. I looked up and there she was…my dog Dolce with my ex Ralph. I tried to take cover and hide behind my bike, but I knew that he saw me. So, I got up and walked over to say hello.

As I approached, I felt my heart fall into my stomach. I mean, I am no longer in love with him, hell I am not even friends with him, but my heart tumbled into the pit of my stomach for some reason…I am trying to convince myself it was the 12 pack of vodka waters I drank the nite before, but I know it wasn’t. Ralph turned around and saw me walking towards him. He had a look of surprise on his face, which was shocking to me because he never showed any emotion, ever.

Dolce ran up to me before I had a chance to say hello. I remember the day that I hand picked her from the litter and named her. (Dolce means sweet in Italian). She was my best friend and I have not seen her in over 3 years (except when I do a drive by and see her in the window of my old house, I know…I sometimes visit crazytown). She looked the same, felt the same but she had no idea who I was. I think there was some sense of familiarity, but who am I kidding…she did not remember me, out of sight out of mind. I fought back the tears and said hello to Ralph. We had a short conversation about what we were doing these days. I pretended to care and so did he. I gave Dolce a kiss goodbye and walked away. I do not know how I even made it home because I had tears swelling in my eyes the entire ride.

Once I got home, I thought to myself, why am I crying??? Did I not take enough Vitamin B12 today?!? Just short of loosing my marbles, I called my sister to discuss my emotions and inability to stop the tears from forming in my eyes. I am not sure if she understood anything I was saying on the phone but her solution to all my problems are…pack my bags and move to England (I’m actually considering that). I really just wanted someone to hug it out with, but no one was available. Therefore, I continued to sob on the phone until there were no more tears to cry. And then…I finally realized what all the tears were all about…me.

We all have a tendency to loose ourselves in relationships and I am not sure where or when I lost myself in mine, but I did. It took me a long time to find myself and just minutes after running into my ex, he brought me back to a place that I never want to go back too, hence the mini emotional break down. I need to let go and not let my past ruin my future otherwise, I will never be able to move on.

True love comes from within, you must love yourself first, then, and only then you will be able to love someone else again, otherwise you will be lost forever…

Champagne Sunday’s: What Song Does Your Soul Sing???

Growing up I suffered from Middle Child Syndrome…still do.  With 5 kids running around our household and my parental units working mad crazy hours to support all of us, I was a bit neglected.  However, every Saturday I would have a date with my Do Dah to make up for any lack of attention or love.  I was most definitely “Daddy’s Little Girl”…still am.

My parents owned a restaurant and bar. On Friday nites, my Mum would close the bar so my Do Dah could wake up early and spend some quality time with me.  He would take me to my early morning gymnastics workouts (I was training for the Junior Olympics). He would drink his coffee and pretend to pay attention to me whilst he read the newspaper.  I think he did not want to focus on me too much because my coach was always yelling at me and he could not do anything about it.  He would have to sit there and watch as I would stand in the corner of the gym and cry because I could not perform a new trick or could not “stick” my routine.  It was very stressful for me as I always pushed my heart and soul to the extreme to be the best at everything, and when I was not the best, I would have major anxiety and panic attacks.  Therefore, to calm me down my Do Dah would give me some good ‘ol fashion music therapy.

On the drive home from the gym, my Do Dah would put his favorite classic rock 8 tracks on in his 1976 Silver Chevy Monte Carlo and we would drive around for hours rockin out!!! He would smoke his giant cigar and I would just sit there with my feet dancing on the dashboard and my hands pretending to play the drums. After we drove around for a while, we would stop by the restaurant to open it up. Once inside the restaurant he would give me a stack of quarters for the jukebox and make me a Shirley Temple with extra cherries!!!  I would sit there and spin on my bar stool and my Do Dah would pour himself an ice-cold brew and help me spin around in my chair. (Maybe that is why I love day boozing so much?!?) I would follow him around the restaurant and re-set all the silverware because he always did it wrong.  Before we would leave the restaurant to head towards the home front, he would ALWAYS put on my Mum’s favorite song and sing to me Blue Bayou by Linda Ronstadt. Ahhh…I miss those days with my Do Dah.   

When I got older and no longer had gymnastics, (I did not make the Junior Olympic Team, so I quit) my Do Dah would close Friday nites at the bar and my Mum would open, so we could still spend our Saturday’s together.  We would exhaust our entire day playing records and dancing on our porch.  We would dance for hours, but because I was not tall enough to put my arms on my Do Dah’s shoulders to dance, I would step on his bare feet to reach. He would sing the lyrics to every song that we played, spin me around until I was dizzy and would fall to the ground, stars in my eyes.  My favorite song that my Do Dah would sing to me is the ever so AMAZING lyrics of Mr. David Byrne’s Naïve Melody. Whenever I hear that magical song, it fills my heart and soul with such happiness and love.   

As the years have passed, it has become more difficult to have a date with my Do Dah. For Fathers Day this year, I sent him a homemade CD with all of our favorite songs that we use to dance too. For me, Music Speaks What Cannot Be Expressed, Soothes The Mind and Gives It Rest, Heals The Heart and Makes It Whole, Flows from Heaven Into My Soul…

Happy Fathers Day, I love you Do Dah, can’t wait to dance with you Saturday!!!

Champagne Sunday’s: Make New Friends But Keep the Old, one is silver and the others GOLD!!!

We all need a little therapy in life. A few years ago (3 to be exact) I use to visit Dr. Jerry Garcia for mine, but our relationship was short lived. Yes, a professional did help me heal because I was a little broken inside my head and inside my heart, but once he fixed me, I realized I had to end our relationship because why am I sharing all of my problems, my fears, my hopes, my dreams with a stranger??? I should be sharing these things with my friends!!! Unfortunately, I did not have any. I do not know how I survived so long without them.

When I was little my friends were my two sisters and two brothers. If I wanted to play with my dollies and be girly, I would hang out with my sisters. If I wanted to build a fort and throw mud grenades then I would hang out with my brothers. I had the best of both worlds. As time flew by and we began to grow up, I somehow did not make friends along the way. Some people have these childhood friends that they have been friends with like FOREVER and I somehow never met mine. As I grew older my siblings moved away to begin their lives with their significant others, I had one of those (a significant other), but realized I wanted more out of my life. I wanted friends and a life. Therefore, I decided to find them.

Being single and thirty something and me, it was very challenging to say the least. One day I was hanging out with V-Neck T’s, True Religion Jeans and White Loafers (I was at Spice Bar) anyway, I would see this girl out all the time and I finally went up to her and said “Hello, my name is, Awesome and Amazing lets be friends.” I have used that line many of times and it has never worked, until this time…

I met her, one of my Besties, Hazel. She was the first of my vast collection of GOLD.

Guilty by association led me to meet my second Bestie, Honeyflea. Man, she hated me at first. Mostly because she did not trust me. I mean come on…girls just do not make friends that easily like guys do. Guys, you have pissing contests, drink a few beers and talk about girls. You are typically in the crew in less than 48 hours of meeting. Women are a little more complicated. It takes a lot of time and energy to break down the walls of trust and finally become friends. Once Honeyflea let down her walls and let me in, our relationship really began to flourish and I added her to my jewelry box. My obsession with the number 3 led me to find my next Bestie, because I did not want to limit myself to just two, we met at a concert and she is such a Jem…3 friends in 3 years…whoa I am on a roll.

My mum always said you only need 5 great friends in life. So if I do my math correctly I have 2 positions currently open to be my B.F. AKA the male version of myself. It is a long and tedious application process but the benefits are worth it.

See Application Below:

Before you start, you should know some of the requirements for this position:

A Number 1: A thorough knowledge of mid-to-late 80’s punk music (right before it became “alternative”) and an appreciation of vinyl.

B Number 2: A tolerance for long, rambling messages being left on your voicemail from me this includes but not limited to retarded text messages that make no sense.

C Number 3: Must be a connoisseur of bicycles, skateboards, snowboards, wakeboards and hell I will throw in must love to camp and attend music festivals…

If you do not meet these minimum requirements, thank you for your time…if you do then read on!!!

Champagne Sunday’s: B.F. Application

1. Your Name:

2. Your Nickname:

3. If I choose to make up a nickname for you, as I most certainly will, do you have any names that are strictly off limits???

4. Please list your last 3 best friends and contact information as I will be contacting them as a reference:

Okay now for the fun part, essay questions!!!

Essay Number 1: It is a sunny Saturday afternoon and you just roll out of bed to find a 7 minute voicemail about how I have devised a plan to end World Hunger on your phone and that I want to get brunch when you wake up…

Do you A: Show up at my doorstep with food and your laundry and you cook a feast for us whilst I do your laundry cuz I do not cook???

Do you B: Shoot me a text and say meet me in 20 at our favorite place???

Do you C: Do not respond???

If you choose C then do not move on. If you choose A or B, what was my plan on how to end World Hunger???

Essay Number 2: One of my favorite bands is in town but unfortunately, I am broke as a joke…

Do you A: Buy me the coveted ticket and we rock out all nite???

Do you B: Go to the show by yourself and send me texts all nite about how Awesome and Amazing the gig is while I sit at home???

Do you C: Stay home with me and we youtube previous gigs of my favorite band whilst sipping champagne and playing Atari???

If you choose B then do not move on. It you chose A or C, what are your top 3 bands that are a must have to anyone’s musical library and why???

Essay Number 3: Watch Video as it will better help you understand me, MAN MAN http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHuUpA6YUwA&feature=player_embedded

Will you accept me for me, love me unconditionally, beat up any guy who breaks my heart, go on Awesome and Amazing Adventures, HOWL AT THE MOON and in return…well you get me!!!

If you answered yes to all, then please submit your application to:

champagnesundays@gmail.com You will receive a response with in 48 hours, please include a photo.

Champagne Sunday’s: Lifesuckers…

Dear You Suck at Life,

I just wanted to drop you a little note and introduce myself. My name is I DO NOT suck at life. I am not sure if you remember me or not, but we have met on more than one occasion. Most recently, you were the person driving your ginormous Range Rover 75 mph with your knees and amazingly texting and putting mascara on at the same time. Now I am all about multi-tasking, but when you cut me off and I almost died on the highway, you looked at me, gave the finger, and shouted not so nice words as if it was my fault. I realized shortly after that I was not going to allow my near fatal crash or you ruin my day so I let your SUCKINESS roll off my back and on to the floor.

Yesterday we ran into each other yet again. I was casually driving down High Street to my new house singing some Metric (love me some Emily Haines and I apologize for anyone who heard my not so great falsetto.) Anyway, out of nowhere you jumped out in front of my jeep. I slammed on my breaks gasp my chest and put my head out the window and said, “Oh my goodness, I am so sorry I did not see you” and you replied, “FU…watch it.” I thought to myself, are you freakin kidding me??? This would not have happened if you used the pedestrian crosswalk, but you insisted walking across the middle of a busy street without concern for your life or others. Again, I was not going to let you ruin my day, so I took a deep breath…three of them to be exact and was over you SUCKIN, yet again at life!!!

As if I did not have enough bad luck, today we met again. I was running late to my body pump class and was speed walking in front of the old City Center. Now I am use to dodging people as I walk through crowds and I almost made it to the gym door without gettin bumped into, but you SUCKER AT LIFE decided to come and knock me down, to the ground, more like a face plant, literally. I quickly picked myself up, and there you were…actually there you went…down the sidewalk on your FREAKIN BIKE!!! Did you not get the memo??? Bikes are to be ridden on the road. I took some major deep breaths and tried to regroup and find my happy place. I am already under a ton of stress right now and I am so sick and tired of you SUCKER trying to ruin my days. So I am warning you…you stay away from me and if I see you again…I swear I am going to round-house kick you in the face you lifesucker, mother trucker!!!

Sincerely,

I HEART Life
XOXO