Matthew Alexander AKA my little bro spent his 30th birthday under a volcano in Costa Rica with his favorite book, a 12 pack of Imperial Beer and the hopes for finding his soul. He found nothing, except himself.
As our Birthday’s begin to pass us by, we all are searching for “something” in life and for a while, I was trying to find what was missing from mine. The only thing I found was the bottom of a bottle. I soon realized that I was wasting my days away by boozing and trying to fill the void by numbing the pain. I told my family and friends that as a gift to myself, I was putting down the Champagne Bottle in hopes that I would find what I am looking for because for all I know, it could be right in front of ME.
I turned 32 years of age last week and celebrated the best way I know how with a bottle of my finest… my best friends. We dressed up in our fur coats, pearls and tiaras and enjoyed the 30something Cinderella story, Sex in the City. After laughing, crying and stuffing our faces with my world famous chocolate brownies, we gathered in my bedroom in front of my “hope chest” and went through old photos and things that I have collected throughout the years. The greatest gift that I received on my birthday was not spending it alone as I have done in years past.
After reminiscing, we sat by my window, howled at the moon and made wishes on every star that shined in the sky. Honeyflea and Hazel (my best friends nicknames), asked me a good question, “Do you feel that you have changed from the person you use to be to the person you are now?” I thought long and hard to that question and at the time I did not know how to answer.
It made me think, have I changed??? As look back on my life and who I was when I was 5, 16, 21 and now 32, I realized I am still the fun, wild crazy, non-boozing (except on Sunday’s or birthday celebrations), quick-witted unpublished writer with a zest for life and adventure. My hair is shorter, my bootie is a little bigger, I smile everyday and it is brighter than ever. I have more ticket stubs, more stamps on my passport, more scars, more stories, more friends, a bigger list “to do” with less time to do it in. I still can’t sing and still want to be a ROCKSTAR!!! So to answer their question, if you knew me then and do not know me now or if you know me now and did not know me then, I have not changed a bit nor will I ever change. I am just a better version of myself…
“new and improved, now with more flavor.~honeyfleas’ mantra”
“It took me four years to paint like Raphael, but a lifetime to paint like a child ~Picasso”
We smoke and drink and coif and study and dream our days away in hopes of the affirmation or recognition of self.
from your first breath, indisputable unapologetic perfection.
happy birthday darling.
kiss.kiss.kiss.