My Do Dah called me Friday as I was driving to Chicago to embark on yet another “First Time Festival”. He called for some fashion advice and then I tried to catch him up on what was happening in my life.
I remember about 3 years ago, my father describing me to me. He said that I was the most confident insecure person he has ever met. He is almost 70…he has met a lot of people, when I heard him tell me this, I cried. I covered my face like I normally do when I shed some tears because, “Don’t let them see you cry…Ninja’s never cry!!!”
My Do Dah always said, “Torre if you can laugh in front of others, then you should be able to cry in front of others. It does not mean you are weak…it means that you are strong enough to show your emotions.” I try not to cover my face anymore, but it is still hard to do.
Anyway…back to me and me being the most confident insecure person my Do Dah has ever met!!! This statement made me realize that I needed to change whom I was. So I began my personal journey to find my moon…and by moon I mean me!!!
My journey began when I left America and traveled across the pond to a little music festival, named Reading. I had never been to a music festival and thought this would be the best place to discover who I was. And I thought why not attend a music festival in a different country by myself??? Therefore…I did.
I decided to make my first time at a festival even more interesting…I brought no money and 3 packs of cigarettes. I do not smoke as there are better ways to die but I thought cigarettes were a great way to barter some fun!!! There were over 80,000 strangers who had yet to meet me and within the first 3 hours of my arrival…I met a group of strangers that welcomed me into their world. And ohhh baby what a wild world it was!!!
I drank in so much fun that weekend and that group of strangers was the first to meet the new me. I met a group of people who introduced me to this wonderful thing called LIFE. At this festival, I realize how much I needed to start livin my life for me and no one else. It was a very exciting time for when I returned home I retuned confident in the fact…I knew that I could stand on my own two feet no matter what life threw at me. The following year I went back to Reading Festival. The strangers that I once met were now life long festival friends. I had a wonderful time the second time around, but you cannot top a First, First Year Festival.
Whether I was chasing the moon or the moon was chasing me, I found a little more of me at Rothbury!!! This time I did not want to venture this one on my own. I wanted to share it with someone who means the world to me, my brother. It was his First First and I am so thankful I got to share this adventure with him. This festival marked the 3rd year of my new life, because some how I got lucky enough to have a second chance to do this right. My brother knew what this festival meant to me and he did everything in his power to make it super special.
At Rothbury, I had hit a fork in the road on my journey and I had to decide what path I wanted to take…I took the one less traveled. Like a yellow butterfly emerging from its cocoon, I had found myself a little lost in this new magical world. Even though I was a little lost, Life was all starting to make sense. I found myself howling at the moon in the forest and at that moment, I knew that I had found what was missing from my life…my heart. I brought it back as a souvenir but I was not ready for it. So, I ripped my heart out to make more room for my AWESOMENESS. Heart in hand, I took it to the ROO…Bonnaroo!!!
It was another epic adventure and another First that I had the honor to share with my brother and his crew. Key Lime Pie, Naked Disco on top of the Worland Warrior Bus and Ziggy was introduced to the world. And then it happened…I tripped over my soul. It was just hangin out in the musical notes floating around in the air. AS trippy as that sounds…you have to have gone to a festival to understand what I am talking about. My soul sang into my mouth, but I still had my heart in my hand and did not know what to do with it.
For those that know me…I plan everything!!! Yes, I am unpredictable, but I have planned my unpredictability. AS I write this, I am already planning what first festivals I will be attending next year. After a long heart to heart with my heart, I realized I just need to let it go. I need to let go of the control and just be me. I did something spontaneous…I had no plan. I made a last minute decision to take my heart and my soul to yet another first…Lollapalooza. I did not think I would find what I was looking for…but I did.
“Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness”…I am not sure who said that, but they must have been a festival chaser…
