We all need a little therapy in life. A few years ago (3 to be exact) I use to visit Dr. Jerry Garcia for mine, but our relationship was short lived. Yes, a professional did help me heal because I was a little broken inside my head and inside my heart, but once he fixed me, I realized I had to end our relationship because why am I sharing all of my problems, my fears, my hopes, my dreams with a stranger??? I should be sharing these things with my friends!!! Unfortunately, I did not have any. I do not know how I survived so long without them.
When I was little my friends were my two sisters and two brothers. If I wanted to play with my dollies and be girly, I would hang out with my sisters. If I wanted to build a fort and throw mud grenades then I would hang out with my brothers. I had the best of both worlds. As time flew by and we began to grow up, I somehow did not make friends along the way. Some people have these childhood friends that they have been friends with like FOREVER and I somehow never met mine. As I grew older my siblings moved away to begin their lives with their significant others, I had one of those (a significant other), but realized I wanted more out of my life. I wanted friends and a life. Therefore, I decided to find them.
Being single and thirty something and me, it was very challenging to say the least. One day I was hanging out with V-Neck T’s, True Religion Jeans and White Loafers (I was at Spice Bar) anyway, I would see this girl out all the time and I finally went up to her and said “Hello, my name is, Awesome and Amazing lets be friends.” I have used that line many of times and it has never worked, until this time…
I met her, one of my Besties, Hazel. She was the first of my vast collection of GOLD.
Guilty by association led me to meet my second Bestie, Honeyflea. Man, she hated me at first. Mostly because she did not trust me. I mean come on…girls just do not make friends that easily like guys do. Guys, you have pissing contests, drink a few beers and talk about girls. You are typically in the crew in less than 48 hours of meeting. Women are a little more complicated. It takes a lot of time and energy to break down the walls of trust and finally become friends. Once Honeyflea let down her walls and let me in, our relationship really began to flourish and I added her to my jewelry box. My obsession with the number 3 led me to find my next Bestie, because I did not want to limit myself to just two, we met at a concert and she is such a Jem…3 friends in 3 years…whoa I am on a roll.
My mum always said you only need 5 great friends in life. So if I do my math correctly I have 2 positions currently open to be my B.F. AKA the male version of myself. It is a long and tedious application process but the benefits are worth it.
See Application Below:
Before you start, you should know some of the requirements for this position:
A Number 1: A thorough knowledge of mid-to-late 80’s punk music (right before it became “alternative”) and an appreciation of vinyl.
B Number 2: A tolerance for long, rambling messages being left on your voicemail from me this includes but not limited to retarded text messages that make no sense.
C Number 3: Must be a connoisseur of bicycles, skateboards, snowboards, wakeboards and hell I will throw in must love to camp and attend music festivals…
If you do not meet these minimum requirements, thank you for your time…if you do then read on!!!
Champagne Sunday’s: B.F. Application
1. Your Name:
2. Your Nickname:
3. If I choose to make up a nickname for you, as I most certainly will, do you have any names that are strictly off limits???
4. Please list your last 3 best friends and contact information as I will be contacting them as a reference:
Okay now for the fun part, essay questions!!!
Essay Number 1: It is a sunny Saturday afternoon and you just roll out of bed to find a 7 minute voicemail about how I have devised a plan to end World Hunger on your phone and that I want to get brunch when you wake up…
Do you A: Show up at my doorstep with food and your laundry and you cook a feast for us whilst I do your laundry cuz I do not cook???
Do you B: Shoot me a text and say meet me in 20 at our favorite place???
Do you C: Do not respond???
If you choose C then do not move on. If you choose A or B, what was my plan on how to end World Hunger???
Essay Number 2: One of my favorite bands is in town but unfortunately, I am broke as a joke…
Do you A: Buy me the coveted ticket and we rock out all nite???
Do you B: Go to the show by yourself and send me texts all nite about how Awesome and Amazing the gig is while I sit at home???
Do you C: Stay home with me and we youtube previous gigs of my favorite band whilst sipping champagne and playing Atari???
If you choose B then do not move on. It you chose A or C, what are your top 3 bands that are a must have to anyone’s musical library and why???
Essay Number 3: Watch Video as it will better help you understand me, MAN MAN http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fHuUpA6YUwA&feature=player_embedded
Will you accept me for me, love me unconditionally, beat up any guy who breaks my heart, go on Awesome and Amazing Adventures, HOWL AT THE MOON and in return…well you get me!!!
If you answered yes to all, then please submit your application to:
champagnesundays@gmail.com You will receive a response with in 48 hours, please include a photo.
