Champagne Sunday’s: He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys…

 

How many times have you heard your best friends tell you that he is just not into you and that you deserve better?! Lately, I have heard it one too many times.  Yesterday I received my first birthday gift in the mail. It was the Sex in the City DVD and a self-help book for dating. After calling my mum to voice my opinion on yet another self-help book that she has given me, I threw it in the corner of my room where the rest of those books go to collect dust.  REALLY…tell me something I do not already know.  Without even opening the book, I can give you a few reasons why I know that a man is not into me…  

 

• He’s not asking you out.  C’mon, if he has not asked you out in the 5 months that you have known him…then guess what little lady, SIGN NUMBER 1, he is not that into you!!!

 

• He’s telling you about all the other women he is sleeping with and taking out.  Seriously, are you blind???, how could you not see that this is SIGN NUMBER 2, he is not that into you!!!

 

• He’s is holding up the “FRIEND CARD”. Even thought he is flirting with you on OCCASION.  He’s a man, with a penis, don’t read into that…they all flirt, which is SIGN NUMBER 3, he is not that into you!!!

 

The list goes on and on…It is pretty sad and pathetic that I am naïve enough to linger on to liking someone when it is obvious that he is not into me…so instead if feeling sorry for myself, today I went to the book store to return the book my mum bought for me.  I could not return it for money, but I did return it for another self-help book, He Just Thinks He’s Not That Into You: The Insanely Determined Girl’s Guide to Getting the Man that She Wants…

 

JUST KIDDING!!! I totally did not get that book. I exchanged it for, The Last Self-Help Book You will Ever Need…

 

 

 

Champagne Sunday’s: Look Who’s Not Coming to Dinner…

 

 

 

Last night I went on a date with the “Stalker”. (He has already text me 2 times today and called. I think my NO RESPONSE should give him a hint, but no, he just myspaced me!!!)

 

I hate typical dates!!! I mean why can’t people be freakin creative???  Shakespeare in the park, hike in the woods, a CONCERT ummm…sh*t like that. Anyway, he took me out to dinner.  And because he cannot think for himself, I had to pick the location.  I choose a quaint and cozy place in Grandview. It has great Lobster Bisque and my favorite Shiraz. 

 

He picked me up around 7pm, which is a decent time to have dinner plans.  I was STARVING and probably could have eaten a small child. Therefore, I was excited just to eat.  As we walked to his car, he forgot to open my door.  I was kinda bummed, but I do not expect much from men anymore so I got over it quickly.  His car was obnoxiously FILTHY.  If you were going to have a woman in your car that you are trying to impress wouldn’t you clean it???  There were cigarette butts and ashes everywhere.  He claimed he was a non-smoker (LIAR).  I should have known to meet him at the restaurant so I would have an escape route.   

 

Once we got to the restaurant, it was as if he was in a hurry to get inside and he rushed ahead of me.  I have short little legs and I had to jog just to keep up with him.  I knew at that moment that this was going to be a freakin DISASTER.  As we sat down at the table, he did not pull my chair out for me and he immediately ordered a Miller Lite with the host and would not wait for the server. 

 

DIE…SHOOT ME NOW!!! WHERE DID ALL THE GOOD ONES GO???

 

The conversation at dinner was pretty much led by me because I have had more intelligent conversations with my left toe than I had with this DOUCHE BAG!!!  He kept flirting with me and making sexual remarks about my ass.  I was tempted to throw my wine in his face because SERIOUSLY DO NOT EVER DISRESPECT ME LIKE THAT!!! I thought to myself, you just met me last week, we have had 2 conversations. One was to give directions to my house and the other was 10 minutes long about nothing.  What gives you the right to start asking sexual questions and making sexual advances??? 

 

I did not entertain his thoughts whatsoever.  I just told him that this probably is not a first date conversation to have; I was still trying to be polite.  He then said, “Well if we are going to have sex on our 3rd date we better get to know each other better.”  My mouth just dropped and I stared at him in disbelief.  I looked around the restaurant and again thought to myself, is this really happening??? Am I on candid camera or some stupid MTV Show, WTF???

 

As much as I wanted to stab this DOUCHE BAG in the eye with a fork, I told him that I was not feeling well and wanted to go home. This was the only time he acted like a gentleman.  He asked for the check and walked with me to the car.  In the car, I choose to play DJ and turned on the radio and thank god, a good song was on for there was no need to converse and I made him listen to me sing Kings of Leon, Sex on Fire. That was the only SEX he would get from me.  Once we got to my house, I thanked him for dinner and got out of the car.  I did not tell him that I would call or ask him to call me.  I thought we were on the same page, the NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN PAGE!!!

 

I just checked the voice mail message the “Stalker” left for me and it was him asking me out again to dinner…