As time goes by, sometimes you listen to what your friends say about you. You might not let them think or know that you are actually pondering the thoughts they usually so freely toss your way. I prefer to over-think and over-analyze everything they say.
Take one I hear often. “Controlling”
And you know, over the years…you have tried to work that out, you become more adventurous, more spontaneous, more AMAZING so you can say…”I am most definitely not controlling!!!”
Nevertheless, I just wonder. Maybe I really am controlling because I am terrified. I like to control my life so much because I am so afraid to live life and fear repeating the past.
I really probably most definitely think that I am terrified of finding someone and falling in love again. That is why I can come up with a million and one reasons not to date.
Part of me really does long for that something more. And then the other half of me remembers that… It almost possesses you, takes you over, you have to talk to them now, text them now, see them now. (WE all know there is so much more that you have to do than that.)
And in the end…well it always ends.
But there is something about walking in and facing the deepest fear you could ever face and still walk out of the room alive…Okay crawl out…
I guess you wait for that person where prying your hands off the stearing wheel and giving up control does not seem so much the risk. It’s to be blinded and tossed about and before you know it you are back in love again.
Maybe it is about trusting yourself, that in life, in landing, you will be okay.
Maybe it is about making a decision to move, to feel, to try and going for it. Whole heart…Whole Leap!!!
And maybe it is just about being all in and facing the next moment just as it comes, letting go of the control and allow youself to live life without fear and if you happen to fall…well at least have a friend that will help you up to try it all over again!!!
